the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My feet surprised me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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