I can text with my tongue
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
