We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
