yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
