hotel room ftw
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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