my sisters under your porch take her home
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
