So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
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I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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