she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
