I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
