His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we're so committed to being not committed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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