On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Randomize
