I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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