In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
