the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
