Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
