You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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