it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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