If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I sprained my soul last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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