my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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