It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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