around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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