rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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