Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
