forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
