I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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