Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
