I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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