turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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