overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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