First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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