Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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