this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
