I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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