Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
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How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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