I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My liver just broke up with me...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So many bounce houses so little time
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
