i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
