I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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