Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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