i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
