Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
