My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
