our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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