dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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