I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm bleeding and have questions
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
