dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's a naked man in my car right now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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