he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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