I got chris browned last night
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
