Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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