Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
