I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
don't judge my taste in strippers
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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