You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That accounts for only three of the penises
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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