ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am naked and annoyed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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