My first STD was from a foam party
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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