his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize