You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
