I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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