Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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