Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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