I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wish my penis had a tongue
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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