Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
