I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
