Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
