Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
