I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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