just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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