His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
